Things that make you go......

As a member of the Zeus Excuse editorial staff I must say we have seen some very odd sights. Zeus tries to keep it more family oriented and will not dignify some of the more outrageous things. I find the gutter a comfy place and have no problem with the potty humor. I have a few pictures I would like you to take a look at and give me your response. These are things that make you go.....

While not exactly in the gutter, the first picture makes me wonder is this what every young girl dreams her wedding cake will look like? I know for a fact that should this be the cake for Zeus' Human pets wedding the future mate/groom will become the late future mate and former groom.

The second picture I offer for your comment left me questioning what a can coozy really was. I offer you the can floozy:

I have to say moving from Washington DC to Houston Texas left me in a bit of culture shock. I am getting acclimatized but every now and then I run into another example of what makes Texas so very different. Picture #3 is pure Texan.

My final picture left alot of questions in my mind. First, is our hero in Virginia? You see Virginia has some very old laws that while still on the books are no longer inforced. One of these laws requires your bathroom fixtures to be located outside your home on the lawn. Another thought was if it rains how does our hero keep the TP dry? The solution to the tp issue might well be a bidet. Our hero has mastered the use of the cordless phone why not a bidet! Another question I had was where did our superhero hang his costume. Surely this is none other than the superhero know as Redneckman. This has to be secret footage of Redneckman in his hidden base aka your local trailerpark and thats not really a simple cordless phone. Nay gentle reader that is Redneckman's hotline to the president.

Know anyone with the middle name Wayne?

I've known a few guys named Wayne and for the most part they have all been more then a little odd. I now know the reason. By now you've probably all heard the joke about killers with three names. I was living in Northern Virginia while John Allen Muhammed was becomming infamous. People will not soon forget names like Angel Maturino Resendiz , Westley Allan Dodd , and John Wayne Gacy. Recently, I came across a list of some 883 men whose middle name is or was Wayne and who have been convicted of killing someone. I just remembered there is a cousin Fuzzywaynebear and you can count on the fact that I will be going out of the way not to have to see him. You don't think my cousin would be so mad about my never seeming to be around that he would even think about off'ing me, do you? Thanks to Chuck Shepard and The News of the Weird for putting together the list. My fellow Texicans please note that alot of these guys are from Texas.

The things you hear on the radio at 3am

I had to make a business trip to Austin today, and things didn't get resolved until after midnight. Having heard the CDs I listened to all the time, I thought I would find something to listen to on the radio. My thought was that I might learn something from a little talk radio. I would like to share some of the knowledge I was able to gain.

Did you know that just about in the center of the moon is a 7 mile high tower? I bet you also didn't know that this tower is one of many repositories for human souls. Furthermore, babies get their souls "inserted" between 3 days and 3 weeks, give or take, from their day of birth from this repository. Had you been listening you would also have learned that the US has been mining on the moon since 1962! We also have some kind of anti-gravitational transport that allows travel from hidden Antartic bases to the moon in an hour. Oh, I forgot to mention the moon was towed into its current orbit from another star system, and that it has an atmosphere with enough air for man to breathe.

My first reaction was that this was some whacked out tiny radio station in the middle of no where brodcasting over some public access band. Oh, how I was mistaken. In fact, the station was one of Houston, Texas' major talk channels, and the program was something called Coast to Coast. The person offering all the "wisdom" was a John Lear.

Message to John: That is some good shit you're smoking. Mr. Lear, the object is not to chase your white rabbit with a bottle of gin; it's to burn some calories by stepping away from your computer and its favorites list, full of conspiracy theory websites and actually running after said rabbit. I will pass along your plug for your favorite websites, though since no one is going to believe I actually heard this insanity.

If you are into trainwrecks and want to actually hear what I heard go to http://www.whas.com/main.html and click on Listen Live.